Finding the Place of Thinner Peace

I suspect most post-menopausal women confront body image issues regardless of whether we're thin or fat or somewhere in between. In spite of our best efforts, the hormonal changes that take place during and after menopause change the way our body works and ultimately looks. Our skin is no longer supple and everything loses its shape. Hence, baggy arm flesh, saggy boobs, weight around the middle, and the rest. We've lost all control over that stuff and we don't like it one bit. Most of us spend a lot of time and energy fighting it and trying to change fate.

The fact remains, we will never be young again, at least in this life! But, we do have a choice. We can resist and struggle to change the things we cannot change and be miserable or embrace who and what we are and make peace with the aging process. Even when we can't change a thing in life, we can change our thinking about the thing.

In the book The Four Day Win, Martha Beck describes the different thought processes that we have when we are trying to lose weight (or change anything about ourselves). Our self talk consists of  a "dictator", which is the voice in our heads that tells us what we should do and yells at us when we don't do it. We have the "wild child" that is rebellious and just wants to feel good and have fun. The dictator brings the wild child out in most of us sooner or later. When we're dieting and trying to lose weight we oscillate between the two. Our dictator beats us into submission for a while and then our wild child gets fed up and leads us on a romp of carefree indulgence. When we're finished romping, we come home to a dictator that scolds us. Hence the yo- yo diet plan!

There is another option. We can mentally step away from these two voices.  Each voice is trying its best to help us with our problem. Each cares, in its own way about our health and happiness. Beck suggests offering these parts of ourselves our appreciation and love giving each a blessing such as:  "May you be well, may you be happy, may you be free from suffering." 

This voice, the one that speaks to the dictator and to the wild child is the place of thinner peace. Martha Beck calls it the "Watcher" . It is the voice that will effectively lead us along our path toward health and happiness, not only in our attempts to lose weight but in  learning to accept the wise and wonderful women that we are.

FOR MORE ON WEIGHT LOSS AND DIETING SEE: "Why Are You So Damn Fat?"

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"Why are You so Damn Fat!?"

I don't know about you, but I have been asked this question at least a dozen times a day since the time I was about eleven. I have been belittled, criticized, mocked, scolded and generally abused. That's a whole lot of abuse!

I didn't realize, on a conscious level, that it was even happening until I picked up Martha Beck's book The Four Day Win on the recommendation of a friend who has lost 100 lbs. Those of you who know me know I'm a huge fan of Martha Beck primarily because she's blunt, honest, extremely intelligent, well-educated and basically knows what the hell she's talking about.

I slipped on my headphones and switched on my iPod to find my way to a thinner me and the first words out of her mouth were, "Why are you so damn fat!?"  Her point was not to belittle me, after all it's rare that in real life anyone would say such an unkind thing to another human being (except perhaps our parents or siblings!). Her point was that we say exactly those kinds of things to ourselves, over and over and over, day in and day out, year in and year out, not only about our appearance but behavior and choices as well. We are not our own best friend ~ in fact, we're probably worse than our worst enemy! Why wouldn't we soothe our wounded selves with a half gal of ice cream! (Incidentally, did you know ice cream doesn't even come in half gallons anymore! That was not nice of the manufactures at all! ~ Yes, I am an addict. <--- See? I just did it!)

What we tell ourselves day in and day out, in our constant stream of mental gibber jabber, is far too often not only not nice, but not one bit helpful!  Martha doesn't mince words. In The Four Day Win she also comes right out and says what most of us think, "really people, who doesn't know the basics of weight loss? Eat less. Move more. That's all there is to it!" It's not about the "perfect diet" or the "right exercise routine", although they can be very helpful tools, it's about the way we think and what we tell ourselves consciously and unconsciously.

It's time to figure out what is going on inside our heads and in this book Beck promises to help us do it. I'm ready to see if she's right! Care to join me?

The Four Day Win is also available on CD and downloadable MP3 for your iPod. (I really like this website and their prices are good - Learn Out Loud.)