Tuesday, July 21, 2009
I had the oddest experience last week and then again yesterday and today. It suddenly hit me...not like a ton of bricks or a lead balloon...but more like a gentle, reassuring whisper...I'm happy....sssh....I'm whispering here...I don't want anyone to hear....It's not like I'm afraid it's going to go away, that's part of the interesting thing about this feelings. I still know that I will undoubtedly have heartache and pain in my future as does everyone, but right now, things are good. I don't have to live in fear of the future. I can enjoy today.
It's not like I can't wait to get up in the morning because I'd still rather sleep and it's not like everything is perfect, because it's not. It's more that I've finally begun to make choices that come from my heart...the shackles off feeling if you've read Martha Beck...choices that resonate with who I really am. One by one I've chipped away enough of those "shoulds" and found something I've been looking for my whole life...me!
In retrospect it seems to have been an easy process and yet has required many painful experiences to get me to move out of the muck...like my mother's death...and the misery of being stuck in a life I hated. Some people may find it easier than I did to make this journey and reached this spot years earlier, but that's the beauty of "this"....it doesn't matter...this is my journey and it's the only one I can travel and right now, I'm enjoying it.
I've never been one to say "I'm happy" when I'm happy, though those moments have been mighty rare. I've decided that's just silly! Being at peace is something we should revel in and hug close to us. We should take notes and write blogs about our inner peace when it happens so we can give it a larger space in our body, mind and soul to sustain us in difficult times.
Hears to inner peace and joy!