Tuesday, February 9, 2010

I Just Want to Go Shopping!

It's quiet here this morning.  I can't help but wonder what is going on in everyone's lives. It's February - mid-winter - perhaps we all are having a bit of the mid-winter blues, or are snowed in and frozen in - much the same I suspect.

It's now been five days since my self-imposed shut down and I see just a glimmer of light. Just a twinge of desire to do something. I still feel the habitual tug of the things I let go of - those obligations I've abandoned but still haunt me. When you end something you hate doing there's always a bit of relief. But many times what follows quickly on its heals is kind of an emptiness or a longing - I'm not sure which. There's a hole that wants to be filled.

It's hard to stay in that place. In limbo. And yet I have a feeling that's the only way to get to the other side. Going back isn't an option. Going forward is yet a mystery. And so you wait. Impatiently. But you wait believing that the answer will come when you're ready for it.

In the meantime the twinge that caught me was quite simple. "I really want to go shopping!" You've got to understand I'm not one of those females that lives to shop - I never have been - that would be my sister! But I've neglected all my basic needs - so focused on my work - and I feel ragedy, inside and out. I haven't the money to fulfill that desire - so I wonder - what is a suitable substitute that will meet the need to nurture myself in a basic, practical sense?

I do hope all of you are just snuggled down in your comfortable places and riding out the last bit of winter in a peaceful place. Is that too much to hope for?

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